What If The Winter Olympics Took Place In Florida? We don’t really know but, here are our best guesses:
1. No snow? No problem.
…or, even more fun, Olympic jet skiing.
And don’t forget about Olympic Hand Skiing!
Look ma, no feet!
Basically, snow skiing can be replaced with ANY type of skiing!
*No dolphins were harmed in the making of this photo.
2. Bass Pro…Tennis?
Okay, technically tennis is a summer sport, but when you are in Florida, all rules go out the window. (Which, if you live in Florida, you probably already knew.) The Olympics are all about innovation and excellence, so a tennis game where bass fish were used as tennis balls seems like the perfect competition.
*Bass may have been harmed in the making of this gif.
3. Biathlon, Swamp People Style!
In the biathlon, an athlete must ski and then shoot. Seems positively tame. We propose to change this sport to waterskiing and then wrestling an alligator. (Die-athalon, anyone?)
4. And the Luge is basically a lamer version of surfing, no? Call us when the luge involves sharks.
5. Let us introduce you to the new sport of boogie bobsledding. Something the Jamaican National Team finally has a shot at winning!
6. Downhill Toboggan Racing (At Disney. In 70-degree weather.)
Disney’s Waterpark Blizzard Beach in Orlando is set up to make you feel that you are in a ski lodge. It almost feels like that – minus the balmy temps and the lack of weird Euro fashions. First one to the bottom wins the chance to stand in line again!
7. A Brand New Type of Figure Skating
Now, there isn’t much ice in Florida, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a figure skating competition. You can do the same routines on dry land, and it’s only slightly more awkward than pairs figure skating already is! Don’t forget to wear kneepads, just in case you run into Tanya Harding.
8. And you can’t forget the all-time Florida-favorite sport: shuffleboard! Which is very similar to curling, with the addition of retirement plans and bifocals. Oh, also the on court Gatorade has been replaced with Metamucil. You’re welcome.
We want to wish all of the competitors headed to Sochi, Russia good luck! And maybe, just maybe, Florida will be the home of the 2018 Winter Olympics (fingers crossed).